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For The Good of Your Child – Teaching Children to Listen - Lesson VII One of the great principles of our God is the principle of raw materials. God gives raw materials to us that we may enter into labor with Him to bring about a finished product. This auditorium in which we speak is filled with things, including the clothes that you wear, that began as raw materials but by God given human intelligence and hard word have been made fit to be in a finished room or to be worn. This poem recited by the Jews at Passover describes this principle.
“Blessed are you, Lord, God of
all creation. God does not give us finished bread but gives us that which we need to make finished bread. He has chosen to engage with us, to co-labor with us toward a finishing that is pleasing to both God and man. God makes wheat, He doesn’t make bread. He makes grapes, he doesn’t make wine. But when we take the raw materials God gives us, we can add our work and give them back to him as an offering. God has given me hands to work with wood.
I have made things out of wood since I was in my teens and one thing woodworking has taught me is that wood begins its journey to a practical use, first as a tree, then cut into rough, course, unrefined planks of wood.
They are oversized, un-planed, un-sanded nor have their edges been sent through a jointer.
This podium in front of me is composed of wood from an oak tree partially felled by Hurricane Ivan and then completely felled nine months later by Hurricane Dennis.
To get value from this oak tree I hired a Miller of wood from Alabama to spend the day sawing felled oak and pine trees into planks.
Most of the planks were 12 inches wide and 1 inch thick.
So the planks started out rough but after much labor these planks were reduced in size, planed, sanded, joined and finished into something useful.
This podium was hidden in a tree but by hard work has been released from that tree and made into something useful to man.
God did His part and I did my part.
Now children come into this world as rough or raw material.
There is absolutely nothing refined about them at all.
Upon birth, they cry, they wet themselves, they are not equipped or smart enough to keep food down and will spit up on their mother at will.
They require constant attention, constant cleaning, and constant care.
If someone came from outer space and saw a baby for the first time they would certainly wonder why anyone would keep such a strange seemingly useless thing around.
But God has made them attractive in a way so I suppose that is enough to put up with the rest.
And following the principle of raw materials God provides the baby in raw material form and expects his mother and his father to get busy toward finishing that baby in order to please the One who provided the raw material.
Taking that baby and co-laboring with God toward an acceptable finished product is inherent in being responsible for bringing the baby into this world.
The two go together!
So God gives many principles in His word in which to follow; a kind of a recipe for bringing out a finished product which will not only please God but will please parents who devote many years to the finishing.
God gives the raw materials but he also gives the manufacturing manual so that the outcome meets His standards.
This is unique in the principle of raw materials for God only gives a manual for finishing babies while all other manuals are developed by man for all other products begun from raw materials
We have already checked God’s manual concerning the finishing of children with regard to authority and servant hood and today we are to bring into the finishing school the need for children to listen.
Servants are under authority and being under authority they are to listen to the Master that they may know what pleases the Master.
The word “listen” is used in the Kings James Version of the Bible only two times but the word “hear” is used many times.
True listening means true hearing because hearing includes the doing of what is heard.
God instructs his people in:
Deut. 5:1 ...Hear, 0 Israel, the statutes and judgments which I speak in your ears this day, that ye may learn them, and keep and do them.
And in Proverbs 1:5, A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:
And in James 1:19, Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
Now in a child’s raw state they are deficient in all three of these areas for they are slow to hear, quick to speak and quick to wrath.
So God gives parents instructions to turn this around for this is unacceptable to their maker.
This is part of the recipe given by God for a child to arrive at adult hood fitting the design of the provider of the raw materials.
God has a quality control methodology in His manual to guarantee an acceptable finished product and that finished product is to be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath.
So one of the refining steps needed to be done in child rearing is teaching the art of listening or hearing.
God provides the proper tools for this to happen, two ears and thankfully only one mouth, but there is a need for parents to teach how to use those tools.
Training is difficult in proportion to its importance, making the development of listening skills among the most difficult to master but when mastered bring the most reward.
It would seem on the surface that teaching a child to listen should be a relatively easy matter; after all, the physically normal child comes with a set of receivers and every physically normal parent has a more than satisfactory transmitter.
It might be good for us to recall, at this point, that although Jesus on at least three different occasions, told all the disciples that He must suffer many things, be rejected by the Jewish leaders, be killed, and the third day rise again, the disciples didn't understand a thing that He said.
They heard His words, but they were not "listening"; they had preconceived ideas that closed their ears to truth.
Their own self-centered ideas about an immediate earthly kingdom with them sitting upon thrones caused them to make this teaching fit their own selfish ideas.
This is not listening.
Listening involves (1) submission, (2) attention, (3) concentration, (4) evaluation, (5) assimilation (make part and parcel of one's being), and (6) determination.
1. Submission - The listener is a learner and a learner must have a submissive attitude.
Submission to parents' spoken word (voice obedience) is the first and most important lesson for the young child to learn and is the basis for most of the rest of the training the child will receive.
2. Attention - The submissive child must be taught to give its undivided attention to the instruction given.
3. Concentration - Prolonged attention is basically concentration.
A young child's attention span is not very long; therefore, we should not expect nor require them to listen intently for too long a period at first.
The ability to concentrate for longer periods should increase with age.
But I must say adults don’t have a long attention span either so be careful talking people’s ears off.
4. Evaluation - As our children grow, the ability to evaluate what they have heard or read becomes important.
Listening to the parent’s voice is the first step in their giving their attention to the written page which will become a vital part of the learning process as children become proficient in reading.
Discernment is vital for a Christian in a world that cries for our attention.
5. Assimilation - (to incorporate, the act of making a part of one's being).
Having evaluated what we have listened to (spoken or written), the child must learn to incorporate principles learned which square with the Word of God into his everyday life.
6. Determination - using that to which we have listened to make decisions in life is the end result of learning to listen.
Truth received must become truth in practice, and error discerned must be avoided and denounced.
Both functions require listening.
Some things to remember when teaching children to listen:
1. Begin addressing the child by speaking his or her name.
2. Give clear instructions and insist upon complete compliance, even in the smallest detail.
3. Don't let them play with something while you are talking to them.
Insist that they sit up and look you in the eye.
Wandering eyes close the ears.
Connect with them before you direct them.
They are the target, you are the arrow.
With little children bend or squat down to their eye level and gain eye to eye contact to get their attention.
Teach them how to focus and when they speak you listen so they know what listening means.
4. Don't teach or give instructions until you are sure you have their attention.
5. Require accountability from your children for what you have told them.
6. Don't accept excuses such as, "I didn't hear you" or "I didn't know you were talking to me."
7. Don't always be talking their ears off.
The younger the child the shorter and simple your directives should be.
Don’t ask a three year old child why he did something.
When you do you are asking a three year old for a psychological analysis.
Most adults can’t even answer such a question honestly.
Too much talk is confusing to them and will make them believe that what you have to say to them is not too important anyway.
Try to use the one or two sentence rule.
The longer you talk the child is more likely to become deaf.
You know how that is when faced with a long talker, one who will not allow a word in edgewise.
8. Don’t use - if you do this then you can play - sentence structure.
Use - when you do this then you can play.
“If” suggests that your child has a choice when you are not offering a choice but expecting obedience.
9. Ask your child to repeat the request back to you. If he can’t, it’s too long or too complicated or he just didn’t listen.
10. Be the one to close the discussion. I am not changing my mind about this! Discussion closed.
11. The time to be the toughest in seeing that your instructions are carried out is the first time they fail to do what you say.
IT TAKES TIME
Take the time to teach your children to listen.
It will be a tremendous benefit to your child throughout life.
Don't get weary and give up.
Remember, "In due season we shall reap, if we faint not."
Fainting is the one thing that you must not do.
Just because fruit is not harvested immediately does not mean that it will not be forthcoming.
The longer the process of ripening, the sweeter and more precious the fruit.
Patience and perseverance are the success twins of child rearing.
It is not easy to find a good listener for all of us want to talk about all kinds of things and there is so little time to listen.
But listening, not talking is the greater gift.
The true listener is more beloved, more desired to be with, more effective as a witness, and learns much more and does more good then the talker.
So we are to take the raw materials of children that God gives and include the art of listening in their refinement. |